Saturday, November 04, 2006

Warning: Don't read lah. Very boring and childish.

I don't know which is worse leh... Going to school or staying at home...

I live in a 1 room apartment with my sister, mum and dog.

Then there's like, no way I can don't see them.

And our ties are very strained cause we're all sick and irritated with each other.

Then my mother always says I am crazy and she's going to put me into mental hospital... Cause I always say stuff like, I wanna be shorter, my nose sucks and tanned people are so gross looking that even if their features are nice, they still look ugly.

Then she always say stuff like, ugly people don't have a right to live is it? Or, you look pretty enough already lah! Can you please stop being siao!! Then she'll say it in a super loud voice... Then she always scold scold scold then I always end up crying... Cause she doesn't want to listen... Only scold scold scold. It always ends up about going to polytechnic or JC and she says she'll disown me if I go polytechnic lor. Siao.

And then I get even more insecure because she's a BIG FAT MEANIE and big fat meanies can NEVER be right about anything. I'm very sure I'm very dumb and ugly and everything bad. I also never say ugly people cannot live... I myself very ugly lor... I just want to be prettier and I really don't like tanned skin... Like that also cannot meh... I say say only what...

leeyi is so yuck also... She hardly ever bathes... Then she also gets irritated very easily and she always says I'm a control freak because I want her to cover her nose when she sneezes and I don't like seeing her dirty foot and I want her to like cover it so I won't feel grossed out... Then she will scold me also and then my mother will side with her and in the end I end up crying again lor.

Then they always say I'm siao and I'm going to become like Ah Juat, my mentally ill uncle because I don't like going out unless I have on make up.

Hello, is my mother don't let me go out with friends one lor. And I really look like shit without make up.

Why must they 'talk' to me in such loud voices... Why must they scold so loudly?

They also know what... I'm just a child... My mother always says I'm just a child... Then wherever I go last time must have my sister follow me... Only recently she let me go out alone... Concert, walking the dog, going to work at her school now all still must have my sister accompany because I'm 'just a child'.

Whenever I cry, my sister will just 'hmph, crybaby.' at me... My mother also don't care... I think it's because whenever I'm scolded I cry instantly then they too used to it already ba...

I don't know why leh, I'm already 13 but I just can't seem to grow up. I really don't like being such a crybaby but I'm very scared of loud things. I'm very scared of being scolded but leeyi is just so irritating and dirty lah... I know I will end up crying but my big mouth always ask her to go away and bathe...

And they always say whoever marries me will be very unlucky cause I'm clumsy, cannot cook, lazy and fickle minded. Then leeyi always says,"On her wedding day hor, leeshi will come over and say, mummy I don't love him leh!! I love another guy!!" And then they will both laugh and laugh.

Just because I'm fickle minded, doesn't mean I will be unfaithful right... I won't... I'll make sure I won't marry till I've been attached for 3 years and above lor... Cause I know if I'm not attached to someone for 3 years above, I might change my mind. I also know I'm very fickle minded what... But don't need to say until like that right... Getting married is my biggest dream and to insult me like that...

Am I really siao? Why they always say I'm siao?? Whywhywhywhywhy...

Okies. leeshi, it's all your fault so you cannot blame them for scolding you. YOUR FAULT so you better wake up and just keep your mouth shut. YOUR FAULT always tell leeyi go and bathe. YOUR FAULT cause you don't like so many things and you are a selfish bitch. Like leeyi always says, you are a bitch. You don't like the F word, don't like fatty food, don't like this, don't like that. Just shut up.

Sigh.

HUG(: